My Journey To Becoming Self Employed

Welcome to an in-depth explanation of this part of my life. Thank goodness I’m not doing a full explanation of my whole life because damn that would be a story and a half! In this blog post, you will see how I turned my love for photography, adventure, and health into a full-time job! Starting with which camera I had, and what I initially was doing, to what I am doing now!

Let’s begin at the point of my life where I was so lost and bored and didn’t know what on earth the point of my life was (2012). I was a manager at a cell phone case store. Yes, I sold cell phone cases, put on screen protectors, and unlocked people’s phones. I worked in a mall, and it was very boring (I did this for 2 years). I had a lot of time to sit on my butt and look at the computer. So after a while, I began researching how the hell I could get out of this crappy job and create the life I wanted, all while I was working at this store. It probably went on for months where I was applying to jobs across the country because they were in a touristy location. I wasn’t confident enough and didn’t have enough funds to just fly over there and figure it out. I wanted there to be a job secured so that my finances were ok. This could be an entire blog post, but I used to have a horrible relationship with money. I didn’t see the point in having any money, I just spent it and was beyond broke to a very stressful level at least 6 times in my life. Anyways, I secured a job in Jasper, Alberta as a waitress (2013). I booked a flight, quit my job, and basically dumped my boyfriend at the time because I knew there was a better life for me where my passion lied. I worked in Jasper for 6 months, and absolutely LOVED the job, the friendships, the adventures, and the thrill and drive I had for life. I then realized that the depression I had for many years (Age 8-21) was actually caused by me not living my truest self in the lifestyle I was in, the choices I made, and the people I surrounded myself with. I know I’m getting off track here, but I was SO depressed for SO long and it wasn’t ME, it was the circumstances of where I was, yet I didn’t realize that I had a CHOICE to leave those circumstances until I decided to move to Jasper. It was a wild ride after that when I realized that I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do in life and that the possibilities were endless.

In Jasper, I had my Samsung Note 3 cell phone which I used to photograph many adventures as well as a go pro. I remember taking photos of my Tentree sweater at Peyto Lake thinking that the photo was amazing and that this is what I wanted to do in life, take photos. I had a camera growing up, but I rolled with the cellphone and the go pro for a year until I decided to move to New Zealand (2014-2016). My friend and I saw someone living in a van in Jasper and thought it was the coolest thing ever! We thought, why don’t we just move to New Zealand and live in a van? I love the courage I managed to build up once I realized that I am limitless. We booked a flight and planned our van purchase and job finding. I lived in New Zealand for 2 years doing various jobs and purchased a Canon 80D beginning to start my blogging and Instagram career. I didn’t know WHY I was doing these things, but I knew that I felt passionate about it, so I may as well roll with that feeling. I honestly think that goes for everything in life. You may not realize why you want to do something until way in the future when all the pieces come together. I did many product trade photoshoots for brands, not realizing how to make money yet. I was building my portfolio, going on adventures, living in my van (alone, as my friend left), and living my best life. It definitely took me quite a while to realize I could make money from photography. It’s one of those things where you don’t know how until you meet someone that is doing it.

After a few years living in Canada after my New Zealand adventure, I was feeling very lost and unsure about how to proceed (2016-2019). Probably a solid 3 years after, I wondered why I wasn’t living the van life because I LOVED it in New Zealand. Once I sorted out my finances and realized I could buy a van and convert it, that is exactly what I did! Sold everything, moved home to Ontario, and built my van with my family. If you want to read more about my van build, click here. Realizing that things needed to change because I got myself into a cycle where I was unhappy, this van build and change of scenery was just what I needed! After the build, I moved to the Canadian Rockies where I met Ben almost immediately. He was a charming young Australian man who swept me off my feet! He wanted to work for himself as well as doing photo/video so we worked together to get set up. A proper email, website, portfolio, media kit, etc. We worked SO hard summer of 2019 getting all set up because we wanted to live in the van and road trip to the US for 6 months so we had to be financially prepared. Where my emails/Instagram DMs used to be “hey brand, would you like to collaborate?”, now turned into a full pitch with photos, and paragraphs about why we should work together. Things were shifting quickly and in August 2019 I finally landed my first paid job. This was a thrilling moment and came with so much self-doubt as to why I would be worthy of getting paid. It took me a while to realize my worth, and the more worthy you feel, the more worth others will see in you, the world is a giant mirror. I won’t get deep here because you know I love to do that, I’ll keep it nice and to the point. The year 2019-2020 was a crazy year for hustling SO SO hard, getting tons of jobs, and expanding my knowledge of photography, emailing, and basically the hustle. This year, 2021 has been a change of pace that’s for sure. The amount of hustle that went into 2019-2020 was actually unhealthy, I had gone through so much stress (my dog dying in a horrible way and me getting strangled and almost killed) my hair was falling out and creating bald patches (if you want to read more about my alopecia journey, click here) I was actually hustling so hard to distract myself from the trauma of what had happened. Luckily for me, this was helping my career a lot, however, my physical and mental health was not doing great. This year, 2021 has already been so much more about self-care, slowing down, looking within, knowing my worth (and not taking on so many little paying jobs), and cultivating a healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically. If I look at the timeline, I can see exactly how this was meant to happen because we aren’t meant to hustle forever, that is not sustainable!

So that brings us to the now. Now that I have loads of knowledge in photography/videography, working with brands, pitching myself, and more, the foundation has been laid, and now it’s time to coast. I decided that I don’t want Instagram/Blogging to be the focus of my time, instead, I want to dive deeper into my heart and realize what I actually want my life to look like. I enrolled in a Registered Holistic Nutritionist course that I cannot wait to begin. I got an agent to help me with Instagram and finding work (this is a great idea because I get to focus on the things I want, and she finds my jobs - and takes a fee of course). There are many things I’m realizing and the main one is that I am not living in a van anymore, I am not on adventures all the time anymore (because of the state of the world), and keeping up with this type of content on Instagram is actually taking away from who I am becoming. Instead of going on a local adventure (when I’m really not in the mood), I could be focusing on myself and what I want my future to look like. This is the battle I have been in the past 6 months, trying to keep up with a lifestyle that is not meant for me anymore. I shared a quote on my Instagram the other day that hit me so hard and I would love to share it with you.

At the end of the day, you should be excited to be alive. When you settle for less than what you innately desire, you destroy the possibility that lives inside of you and in that you cheat both yourself and the world of your potential. The next Michaelangelo could be sitting behind his Macbook right now writing an invoice for paperclips because it pays the bills or because he’s comfortable or because he can tolerate it. Do not let this happen to you.

Life and work and life and love are not irrespective of eachother. They are intrinsically linked. We have to strive to do extraordinary work. We have to strive to find extraordinary love. Only then we will tap into an extraordinary blissful life.

- Bianca Sparacino

This quote hit me so damn hard because I feel like I’m holding onto something that was, and in that, I’m cheating myself and the world of my potential. I can see clearly that 2021 is the year of self-reflection, and sharing more of my honest true self on social media. You will be seeing much more of what I am ACTUALLY doing, yoga/working out/meditating, reading, learning, cooking, dancing, and more! I’m tired of going to locations and standing in front of them and creating a photo (Not saying anything bad about people who do this, it’s just not in alignment with myself anymore. I need more substance). I have so much more information to share than a pretty photo, and I truly don’t see the value in that anymore for how I’m going to showcase my life. I know I went a bit off tangent here, but It’s all so interconnected that sharing my views on how I am changing in regards to social media and the work I am creating is a beautiful thing and I’m letting it flow. I am so excited to see what lies in the future as I become the best version of myself and provide you value! I’m still in the process of working out the kinks and figuring it all out, but I hope you stick around to watch the best version of me unfold. As you can see from the photo on the left, my hair and self has gone from blonde + extensions to its natural beautiful self, brown. Au Naturale, baby!

This goes for everyone confused, lost and unsure of what the point of their life is. I promise you that no matter if you are certain or not, follow the path that passion and inspiration lay. This is your emotional response to your inner knowing. Your soul knows where you should go and let that creativity flow in whichever way it wants to! Here’s to 2021 being the year that we finally listen to our inner knowing. Are you with me?

Thanks for checking out today’s blog post I hope you stick around to see more than just pretty photos :)